So, I did the thing. That thing where I tell you about a recipe but don’t actually give it to you. Because apparently quarantine has made me into an asshole. Or at the very least, unaware of life outside my little bubble of beer and making all the things.
As a way to make amends for telling you about Pineapple Jalapeño Ice cream without actually giving you the recipe, I’m giving you the recipe.
As a side note, it makes an excellent beer milkshake if you blender a few scoops of it with a gose or an IPA. It’s like two recipes in one, and it opens new ways to enjoy a cold beer on a hot day. See, I’m not THAT big of an asshole.
Add the pineapple, jalapeno, lemon juice, and beer to a blender. Blend on high until well pulverized. Pass through a strainer to remove all the fibers, return to the blender (without straining the fibers, the ice cream can taste a little vegetal).
Add the eggs, yolks, salt and both kinds of sugar to the blender, blend on high until well combined.
Add the cream and milk to a saucepan over medium heat. Heat until it starts to bubble around the edges. While the mixer is running, add the hot cream to the mixer.
Return the mixture to the pot. Simmer until slightly thickened, about 5 minutes.
Add to an airtight container. Refrigerate until chilled, about 3 hours.
Churn in an ice cream maker according to manufactures specifications.
Mexican Hot Chocolate Beer Brownies with Churro Crust
I made your brownies spicy and I don’t even feel bad about it. But it’s so you don’t have to share with anyone who doesn’t like spicy things. You can even over-exaggerate just HOW spicy they are in order to keep them all for yourself, I won’t tell.
I want everything spicy, it’s my favorite flavor. Spicy is a flavor, I swear. I even made ice cream spicy once and it was totally worth it. If you haven’t tried Pineapple Jalapeno Ice Cream you need to do that right after you make these brownies.
If you don’t want spicy brownies, that’s OK, I’ll forgive you. Just leave the cayenne pepper out and you’re all set. Although I might question all your future decisions, but that’s a risk you’re gonna have to take.
Mexican Hot Chocolate Beer Brownies with Churro Crust
Preheat the oven to 350°F. Add the cookies to a food processor, process until just crumbs remain. Add the brown sugar, white sugar, and cinnamon, pulse to combine.
Add the butter, process until well combined.
Press into the bottom of an 8x8 pan that has been sprayed with cooking spray or lined with parchment paper.
Bake for 10 minutes while you prepare the filling.
Add the beer and chocolate chips to a microwave-safe bowl. Microwave on high for 30 seconds, stir and repeat until chocolate is melted and well combined with the beer.
In a large mixing bowl add the melted butter and both kinds of sugar, beat until well combined.
Add the eggs, beat until well combined. Stir in the chocolate mixture.
Add the flour, salt, cayenne pepper, cinnamon, and cocoa powder, stir until just combined.
Add to the crust layer, bake until set, about 35 minutes.
I miss pubs. I miss dive bars in strange cities, strangers in crowded bars, crowds at beer festivals. But until the world is back to normal, and until my pint doesn’t come with a side of deadly virus threats, I’ll begrudgingly stay home. And do my best to pub-food from home.
Guinness was one of the first beers I ever had at a bar, in an Irish pub in Los Angeles. I’ve been to Ireland, back when air travel felt safe, and Guinness will always have a place in the most nostalgic part of my beer heart. Soft pretzels and beer cheese sauce are right there with it, it’s always a good day when I have Guinness, soft pretzels, and cheese sauce. Until I can bump up against strangers in a bar, making friends and asking them if they want to try my beer, I’ll be doing this from home. It’s a great way to pass the time until the day we are out of the woods.
Add the flour, sugar and yeast to a stand mixer. Mix until just combined. Heat the beer to 120°F (always defer to the liquid temperature listed on the package of yeast, regardless of what the recipe says. Your yeast package says 105°F? Heat the liquid to that temperature) add the beer to the stand mixer, mixing until all the flour has been moistened.
Add the salt and 1 tablespoon softened butter, beat until the dough comes together and gathers around the blade. Transfer to a lightly oiled bowl, cover, and allow to rise until doubled in size.
Add the dough to a lightly floured surface, cut into 8 equal sized portions.
Roll each portion into an 8-inch log, shape into a pretzel, add to a baking sheet.
Preheat the oven to 450°F.
Add the water to a large pot, bring to a boil. Stir in the baking soda.
A few at a time carefully add the pretzels to the boiling water for 30 seconds, place back onto the baking sheet.
Brush with melted butter, sprinkle with salt.
Bake for 10-12 minutes or until dark golden brown.
Make the cheese sauce:
Add all ingredients to a blender, blend until smooth.
Add to a saucepan over medium heat, heat to the desired temperature.
Store in an airtight container in the fridge until ready to use, heat to serve. Can be made up to 3 days in advance.
Blueberry Beer Cream Cheese Cake with Basil Whipped Cream
This might be a giant blueberry muffin with an almost creamy texture, and it might be a cake that doesn’t actually need frosting. Maybe it’s a hybrid, the nexus of two similar foods, a "Cuffin", or a "Make." But don’t overthink it, it’s an easy one-bowl cake and that’s what you need right now. Easy cakes, or big muffins. Or easy big cuffin makes. This is my reality, people. This is what I think about all day!
I wish I could tell you that I’ve been easily quarantining, but instead I’m desperately missing places like this and pondering the union of cake muffins. It’s sad, but there are worse things. I’m healthy, my people are healthy, and I have big cakes in my kitchen, we focus on the good things and start drinking in the early evening (rather than just all day). It’s small wins these days.
Blueberry Beer Cream Cheese Cake with Basil Whipped Cream
Add the butter to a stand mixer, beat on high until fluffy. Add the cream cheese, beat until free of lumps and well combined with the butter.
Add the sugar, beat until well combined.
Beat in the sour cream and the vanilla.
One at a time, beat in the eggs and yolks, mixing well between additions. Stir in the beer.
Stop the mixer and remove the bowl. Sprinkle with flour, baking powder, and salt.
Add the blueberries to the top, making sure the blueberries are coated in flour (coating the blueberries in flour before they're mixed into the batter will prevent them from all sinking to the bottom of the cake while baking).
Using a rubber spatula, gently mix until well combined.
Grease and flour a 9-inch spring form pan.
Pour the batter into the prepared pan. Bake at 325°F for 1 hour and 25 minutes, or until the top is golden brown and springs back lightly when touched.
Allow to cool before removing from pan.
Add all the whipped cream ingredients to a mixing bowl, beat on high until soft peaks form. Serve the cake topped with whipped cream.
Ok, I know, MURDER is a little aggressive. But it’s like "death by chocolate" just more intense. These aren’t a "passed away peacefully in their sleep" type of bars, these are much more in your face. Literally and figuratively. And if I’m going to be taken out by a baked good, this wouldn’t be a bad choice.
Sure, you can just call them "chocolate stout cheesecake bars" that would be totally fine and acceptable, I won’t be mad. But it did get your attention, so mission accomplished. These are also easy to make for something that looks so complicated. Maybe it’s a good thing that quarantine will limit the number of people you are forced to share these with, because there might be an actual murder if I had to share these with too many people. Just kidding, but these bars are as dark as my soul and sense of humor.
Add the graham crackers to a food processor, process until just crumbs. Add the melted butter, process until well combined.
Spray an 8x8 pan with cooking spray. Press the graham cracker mixture into the bottom of the pan until well compacted.
In the bowl of a stand mixer add the cream cheese, beating until well-whipped.
Add both kinds of sugars, mixing until well combined.
Turn the mixer on low and slowly add the melted chocolate until well mixed. Add the egg yolks, mixing until well combined.
Stop the mixer, add the cocoa powder, espresso powder, cornstarch, and salt, mix until combined.
Add the beer, mix until just combined.
Add the filling over the crust.
Bake for 45 minutes or until the edges are set and the center is still slightly wobbly when the rack is shaken, it will set as it cools. Allow to cool to room temperature.
Add all the ganache ingredients to a bowl, microwave for 30, stir and repeat until melted and well combined.
Pour the ganache over the filling. Refrigerate until chilled, 4 hours or overnight. Bars are best served the day after they are made.
I know what you’re thinking. You’re looking at this thinking, "Why you say crostata when this is clearly a galette?" No? You weren’t thinking that because you’re normal and not a huge nerd like me? Sorry. But now I have to address this issue. This is what happens when I create a problem that didn’t exist.
You see, it’s like crisps and chips. Or pants and trousers. Or The Rock and Dwayne Johnson. They are the same thing, it’s just different people call them different things. Specifically French people and Italian people. The French like to say galette ("guh-let", in case you wondered and googled it so you won’t sound like an idiot at the dinner party you brought what you thought was pronounced a "gal-lay" but it isn’t and then you’re super relieved you looked it up because you were already embarrassed for yourself. Just me again? Geesh). And the Italians like to say Crostata (which is pronounced exactly how you’d think because I looked it up too because I was scared to make the same mistake twice).
So why, you ask, did I choose crostata instead of galette? Because I liked the way it sounded with "ricotta" and if you don’t believe that is a 100% true story, you clearly don’t know me well enough. Come on! Ricotta Crostata is just way more fun that Ricotta Galette. You know this to be true.
And your final question is OBVIOUSLY "what beer did you use" because you always have the best questions. The answer is Firestone Walkers Cherry Barrel Blossom, a super-rich and drinkable barrel-aged-cherry-bitters-infused beer. It’s also a great dessert beer. You can use which ever beer you want, pretty much any beer will work when you’re making beer ricotta, as long as you like it, the flavor will come through. I will advise against anything too hoppy because those hops don’t mess around once you boil them, but it’s your world. If you want a hoppy ricotta crostata, who am I to stop you?
3cups(24oz) whole milkpasteurized is fine but do not use Ultra-Pasteurized, it won’t work
½cup(4oz) heavy cream
½teaspoonsalt
¼cup(2oz) beer*Plus 2 tablespoons divided
3tablespoons(36g) lemon juice
1tablespoonsugar
½teaspoonvanilla extract
Cherries:
¾lbs(12oz) pitted fresh dark sweet cherries (such as Bing, Jubilee, Chinook)
1tablespoons(12g) lemon juice
3tablespoons(38g) granulated sugar
½teaspoonsalt
2tablespoonscornstarch
Instructions
Make the crust:
Add ¾ cup of flour (reserve the other 3/4 cup), salt and sugar to a food processor, pulse to combine. Add the butter, process until well combined.
Add the remaining flour and pulse 6-8 times or until all the flour has been combined.
Add the beer, pulse until just combined. Lay a long sheet of plastic wrap on a flat surface, add the dough to the center.
Form into a flat disk. Wrap disk tightly in plastic wrap. Chill until firm, about 3 hours, and up to three days.
Make the ricotta:
In a pot over medium-high heat (do not use an aluminum pan) add the milk, cream, salt, and 1/3 cup beer.
Clip a cooking thermometer onto the side of the pan.
Bring the liquid to 190°F degrees, stirring occasionally to prevent the bottom from scorching. Keep a close eye on it, the liquid reaches and passes 190 very quickly and you don’t want it rising above 200°F.
Remove from heat, add the remaining 2 tablespoons beer and then the lemon juice, and stir gently once or twice. It should curdle immediately. Allow sit undisturbed for about 5 minutes.
Line a large strainer with 1 or 2 layers of cheesecloth; place the strainer in the sink over a large bowl.
Pour the ricotta into the strainer and allow to drain for 15 to 30 minutes and up to an hour (the longer it drains, the firmer the consistency).
Place in an air-tight container, Stir in the sugar and vanilla extract, and store in the fridge can be made up to 3 days in advance.
Prep the cherries:
Add the cherries, lemon juice, sugar, salt, and cornstarch to a large bowl, toss to coat.
Assemble to Crostata:
Preheat the oven to 400°F.
On a well-floured surface roll the crust out into a large circle. Add the crust to a sheet of parchment paper on a baking sheet. In the center add the ricotta, leaving about 3 inches on the edges bare. Top with cherries in a large pile. Fold the edges of the crust up over the filling.
Brush the edges with melted butter, sprinkle with sugar.
Bake for 35-40 minutes or until the crust is golden brown. Remove from oven and allow to cool before serving.
Notes
*Any beer will work for the ricotta, but the ricotta will take on the flavor of the beer. A more intense beer will bring a more intense flavor. If you want a more mellow beer flavor use a Hefeweizen, Pilsner, or pale lager. I used Firestone Walker's Cherry Barrel Blossom barrel-aged ale.
Do you have a favorite meal? Is it breakfast? Say it’s breakfast so that we can be the same. I like it when we agree. My love for breakfast really doesn’t have as much to do with the food as it does with the Breakfast People.
These are always your favorite people, the ones you’ve made breakfast for. These are the ride-or-die-friends, the 5-am-airport-pick-up-friends, the help-them-move-a-couch -or-bury-a-body-friends. Because you can have lunch with anyone, but breakfast is special.
I don’t even think you can list someone as a favorite until you’ve had breakfast with them, I will file a formal decree on this because that’s how strongly I feel about it. All of my favorite people are ones with whom I’ve shared a pre-noon meal. And most of those are ones I would actually wake up early to cook for, and I am not a "wake up early" sort of person. But I’ll do it for my Breakfast People. I might even make breakfast for you, but you’ll have to tell me why you want me to help you bury a body. I’m not saying no, I’m just saying I need some details.
In a bowl of a stand mixer fitter with a dough hook, stir together half the flour, sugar, rosemary, garlic powder, and yeast.
Heat the beer to 120°F to 125°F degrees (check the temperature guidelines on your yeast, always default to that).
Add the beer to the stand mixer, turn the mixer to medium, mix until combined.
Add the remaining flour, ¼ cup olive oil, and 1 teaspoon salt.
Turn the mixer to medium-high, beat for 5 to 6 minutes.
Transfer to a lightly oiled bowl, cover and allow to rise in a warm room until doubled in size, about 1 hour.
Lightly oil a 9x13 pan. Transfer the dough to the pan, pulling to cover the entire pan. Press your fingers into the dough making holes across the entire loaf (if the dough is sticky, oil your hands or get them wet).
Oil the bottom 6 small oven-safe round prep bowls or ramekins (you can also use balls of aluminum foil just larger than golf balls), press them into the dough to form wells (this will be where the eggs go).
Cover and allow to rise for 20 minutes.
Preheat oven to 425°F.
Bake until light brown, about 11-15 minutes.
Remove from the oven. Remove the bowls (the dough will not be cooked through, this is OK) add the eggs to the wells left by the bowls.
Sprinkle with cheese, bacon, salt, and pepper.
Put back in the oven and bake until the egg whites have set but the yolks are still soft, about another 15 minutes (if bread browns too quickly and eggs need more time, cover with foil and cook until whites are done to your likeness).
Remove from oven, allow to cool slightly before slicing and serving. Sprinkle with chives before serving (optional).
I know I told you that it would be DAYS before I posted this recipe, and in reality, it’s been like 30 hours, but that’s the nature of our existance right now, right? 30 quarantine hours seem like days. Quarantine days are like dog years, each one is equal to seven regular days, I think this is a scientific fact.
But this is a recipe that doesn’t need an overnight proof like the Sourdough Beer Waffles (but those waffles are SO worth the wait), so you don’t have to wait days to get these biscuits into your face, just minutes. And we also need to normalize biscuits at every meal because dinner needs them and breakfast shouldn’t have all the fun. It’s my pandemic mission.
I am here to normalize beer for breakfast. Although I’m fairly certain the pandemic has already done that. The hours, days, weeks just sort of run together like a watercolor painting. The upside is beer for breakfast so let us focus on that for now.
You’re probably thinking "why did you use a mango beer in a recipe that doesn’t have mango?" You weren’t thinking that, but you are now, amirite?
There is a reason for that, I promise. Although a recipe with mango wouldn’t be a bad pairing for this beer, it wouldn’t be ideal. You’d lose all the mango flavors in the beer to the flavors of mango in the dish. BUT if you drink the beer with a lovely little breakfast tart that has berries, mint, and nice little cream cheese spread those flavors will bring out the mango in the beer. See? I’ve learned a thing or two over the past I-can’t-even-count-the-number of years of cooking with beer.
I used Mango Tree Shaker from Odell because I love those guys and I need them to remain open during "these uncertain times" until I can actually visit them in person. Which may be a while, but it must happen at some point.
Roll out the puff pastry on a lightly floured surface a few times in each direction.
Cut the puff pastry into 12 equal squares.
Score each square with a ½ inch broader (do not cut all the way through, just add a lightly scored line) then prick the center of each pastry with a fork a few times.
Transfer to a baking sheet (or two) that has been covered with parchment paper.
In a small bowl stir together the egg and beer with a fork until well combined.
In another bowl add the cream cheese, sugar, flour, vanilla, salt, and half of the beer-egg mixture (about ¼ cup or 54g) reserving the remaining beer mixture. Beat with a hand mixer until well combined.
Drop 1 to 2 tablespoons of the cream cheese mixture into the center of each pastry. Top with berries.
Brush the edges of the pastry with the remaining beer-egg mixture.
Bake for 12-16 minutes or until the puff pastry edges are golden brown. Remove from the oven and allow to cool before serving.
Sourdough Beer Doughnuts with Nutella Mousse Filling
Doughnuts are my thing. My last meal thing, my birthday treat thing. Cake is great, but it’s not as good as doughnuts. It’s sort of becoming a thing on my birthday, finding nearby doughnuts wherever I happen to find myself. Even when I was here, I was able to find some which was quite the birthday miracle in such a remote location.
There is one thing I always look for when it comes to doughnut perfection. Ok, that’s not true, there are several things. But first and foremost, when a doughnut is yeasted (or raised) it needs to have that tan line in the center. That’s probably not the correct term, but that’s what I call it, the doughnut tan line. That white belt around the doughnut means the dough was light enough to sit on top of the oil, if it’s missing it means the dough was too dense and the thing sank, that’s sub-optimal.
I also believe that raised and filled doughnuts are the apex of doughnuts. Cake doughnuts are just fried muffins with the exception of Old-Fashioned. You can fight me on this but I will win. Afterwards, we can share a beer with some proper raised and filled doughnuts and all will be well again.
Sourdough Beer Doughnuts with Nutella Mousse Filling
Bring the beer and heavy cream to just above room temperature (not too hot or it will kill your starter), add to the bowl of a stand mixer fitted with a dough hook.
Stir in the starter until completely dissolved in the liquid.
Add the flour, egg, brown sugar, and vanilla, mix on high until well combined then add the softened butter and salt.
Beat on high until the dough gathers around the blade, about 5 full minutes. The dough will be soft and slightly sticky.
Add to a well-oiled bowl, cover tightly with plastic wrap and leave at room temperature until tripled in size, between 12 and 18 hours.
Cut off small portions a little smaller than a golf ball (between 50g and 60g). Roll into tight balls and add to a lightly floured baking sheet. Cover tightly with plastic wrap to avoid the dough balls forming a dry crust.
Allow to rest until doubled in size, between 4 and 8 hours.
Remove the plastic wrap to allow the balls to dry just a bit to make handling them a little easier. Heat oil in a deep fryer or pot with a deep-fry thermometer clipped on the side until the oil reaches 350°F (adjust heat to maintain temp).
One or two at a time gently drop the dough balls into the hot oil (make sure to handle carefully to avoid disrupting the air bubbles inside) until golden brown on the underside. Turn over gently (I use a chopstick) and cook until the other side is golden brown and the doughnuts are cooked through.
Allow to cool on a stack of paper towels. Roll in sugar once cooled.
To make the filling:
Add the heavy cream and powdered sugar to the bowl of a stand mixer. Beat on medium-high speed until the mixture starts to thicken. One tablespoon at a time drop the Nutella into the mixer, mixing until well combined.
Add filling to a large piping bag with a metal tip and a pea-sized opening.
One at a time makes a small hole in the side of the doughnuts with a small knife or a chopstick.
Press the metal tip into the hole in the side of the doughnuts, pipe the filling into each doughnut adding about 2 tablespoons of cream to the center of each doughnut.
Serve immediately, doughnuts are best eaten the day they are made.
Notes
If the doughnuts do not have a white line around the center once cooked, they are too dense and need to be allowed to rise a little longer.
What are you doing to feel normal? To forget that we use phrases like "the virus" and "pre-pandemic" and "social distancing" more often than ever thought possible? For some people, it’s routine that brings comfort, and for others, it’s the lack of it. I have never been a schedule keeper, so that was never really an option for me. Cooking makes me feel normal, it just makes everything feel ok.
One-pot meals feel like normalcy, it makes me feel like I have better things to do than the dishes, even if I don’t. Because really, I don’t. This particular one-pot meal reminds me of traveling, of Spain and even of Brazil for some reason. It reminds me to trust that I will someday get on a plane again, and that the world is out there waiting for us to visit once it’s safe.
For now, this is as close as I can get to leaving town. It’s as close as I can get to travel, and it will just have to do for now. For now, we just sit back and appreciate the healthy people in our lives, and a job if you have one, and know that the rest is out there to enjoy later. For now, it’s one-pot chicken, beer, and Netflix. There are far worse fates.
8bone-in and skin-on pieces of chickenlegs, thighs
2bell pepperschopped
½of one large white onionchopped
1cup(180g) uncooked white rice
¾cups(6oz) low sodium chicken broth
1cup(8oz) pale ale beer
1(14oz)can fire-roasted tomatoes
1(4oz) link Spanish chorizo* chopped
¼cup(45g) chopped Spanish olives
¼cup(6g) chopped parsley
Instructions
Preheat the oven to 350°F.
In a small bowl combine the paprika, garlic, salt, cumin, chili powder, onion powder, and salt.
Sprinkle the chicken on all sides with the spice mixture, reserve any remaining spice mixture.
Add the chicken, skin side down to a large, shallow pan with a lid (off heat). Add to medium heat, add the lid at a vent or add a splatter guard. Cook until the chicken skin has browned and a significant amount of fat has rendered (cooking chicken at a lower temperature for a longer time helps to render more fat and crisp the skin much more effectively than searing in a hot pan).
Once the chicken skin has crisped, remove from pan (the chicken does not need to be cooked through). Pour off all but about 1 tablespoon of the fat.
Add the chorizo, bell peppers and onion to the pan over medium-high heat
Once the vegetables have softened and started to brown, add the beer, stirring and scraping to deglaze the pan.
Add the broth, and tomatoes bring to a low simmer, stir in the rice.
Add the chicken back into the pot in an even layer.
Cover and add to the oven for 30-35 minutes or until the rice is softened and cooked and the chicken is cooked through.
Top with Spanish olives and parsley. Serve warm.
Notes
*Spanish chorizo is very different from Mexican chorizo. If you can’t find Spanish chorizo, a good substitute is linguica, or Andouille sausage.
Dulce de Leche Beer Cheesecake Bars with Brown Sugar Pretzel Crust
I am currently in the "way too excited about small things" phase of this quarantine. Let’s talk examples, it’ll be fun. Finding a can of sweetened condensed milk in my pantry that I didn’t know I had is equal to the levels of excitement people must feel when they win an Oscar, obviously.
And finding arugula sprouts in my garden is the most exciting thing to happen over the weekend, clearly. It was a monumental occasion, it probably deserves a dated plaque in the back yard. Probably. Or maybe I’ll just bake some stuff instead. You should, too. Celebrate all the small moments with baked goods and beer, it’ll make you feel better.
Dulce de Leche Beer Cheesecake Bars with Brown Sugar Pretzel Crust
Pressure cooker method: Remove the top of the can of sweetened condensed milk. Cover with aluminum foil.
Add the cooking rack to the bottom of a pressure cooker or Instant Pot. Add the prepared can. Pour water in the pressure cooker until about halfway up the side of the can.
Cover tightly, making sure the steam vent is closed.
Cook on high for 60 minutes. Allow the steam to vent naturally. Once the can has cooled, remove from the pressure cooker. (for stovetop and slow cooker method, see note*)
Make the crust:
Preheat oven to 375°F.
Add the pretzels, flour, brown sugar to a food processor, process until just crumbs remain. Add the melted butter, pulse until well combined.
Press into a 9x13 pan that has been lined with parchment or greased.
Bake the crust for 8 minutes (this will just help it set and be a distinct layer from the cream cheese) remove from the oven.
Make the filling:
Lower the oven temperature to 325°F.
Add the cream cheese, flour, both sugars, cornstarch, and salt to the bowl of a stand mixer, beat until well combined.
Add the eggs and vanilla one at a time, beating well between additions.
Pour in the beer, mixing until combined.
Pour onto the crust, bake at 325°F for 35-40 minutes or until the edges have puffed slightly and the filling no longer sloshes when the pan is lightly shaken (a slight jiggle in the center is to be expected). Allow to cool to room temperature.
Add the dulce de leche, milk or cream, and salt to a small blender or food processor, blend until well combined (this will make the dulce de leche pourable).
Pour the dulce de leche over the cheesecake. Refrigerate until set, at least 3 hours.
Notes
*To make Dulce de Leche on the stovetop, peel the label off the can but do not open. Add the can to a large pot of water and bring to a boil. Reduce heat to a simmer checking every 30-minutes that the water is still above the can, adding more when it gets low. Simmer for 3 hours. Remove can with tongs or slotted spoon, allow to cool to room temperature (contents are under pressure, do not open until cooled). Or you can add the cans to a slow cooker, cover with water and cook on low for 8 hours, allow to cool naturally before opening.
We have officially reached the "dozen cupcakes for dinner" portion of this pandemic. It’s good news, it means we are close to the end. Isn’t that how this works? I’m certain it is, but you should probably listen to actual health professionals about this stuff, rather than me.
On the flip side, don’t listen to them about what to put into your cupcakes, listen to me, and I say beer and pineapples. It’s like a tropical vacation that doesn’t require social distancing, but for your mouth. It also necessitates opening a beer in the middle of the day, so it’s better than most cupcakes.
While I don’t require that you make this whilst wearing pajamas, I do highly recommend it. It might be a coincidence that the first batch I made of these I did so while wearing actual clothes, and they didn’t turn out as well as the second batch which I made wearing pajamas. It might be a coincidence, but I wouldn’t take any chances.
½teaspoonsfresh ginger grated with a Microplane (plus additional to taste)
1teaspooncoconut extract
Instructions
Preheat the oven to 350°F.
In a large bowl stir together the flour, baking soda, baking powder, salt, cinnamon, ginger, nutmeg, brown sugar, white sugar, pecans, and carrots.
Add the pineapple, vegetable oil, beer, egg, and vanilla, stir until just combined.
Line a muffin tin with cupcake papers, add the batter to the cupcake papers until about ¾ full.
Bake for 20-24 minutes or until the tops spring back when lightly touched.
Add the butter and cream cheese to the bowl of a stand mixer beat until well combined (if your butter is still cold, beat it on its own until creamy before beating in the cream cheese).
Add the remaining ingredients, beat until well combined, light and creamy.
Pipe the frosting onto the cupcakes once the cupcakes are completely cool. Refrigerate until ready to serve.
Notes
*if the pineapple isn’t drained your cupcakes will have too much moisture
This is what happens when I can’t decide if going to the grocery store is worth it. I wanted to make this with crawfish, but as you can assume, that’s not exactly a pantry staple in Seattle. Then I did the thing where I debated with myself if it was worth going to the store to try to find what I wanted.
But as we’ve already discussed, I can be kinda lazy, but I’m good at tricking myself into thinking I’m not. So I didn’t go to the store because "social distancing", and "public safety", blah blah. But really, it was because I got lazy and pants seemed like a hurdle I didn’t want to tackle.
I did have chicken, so that was what I used, and it was amazing. This is authentic cooking, it’s pandemic cooking, it’s "use what you have to make something delicious" cooking. Which, honestly, was a bad thing because all it did was reinforce my laziness. I lazied and it worked for me, which makes me far more likely to do it that next time. Let’s hope all future lazy decisions yield something as delicious as this beer chicken etouffée.
Add the olive oil and butter to a large pan over medium heat until the butter is melted. Sprinkle with flour. Whisk over medium heat until the roux is the color of milk chocolate, about 15 minutes.
Add the onion, celery, carrot, and bell pepper, cook until the vegetables have softened.
Sprinkle the chicken on all sides with salt.
Add the chicken to the pan, cooking until browned.
Stir in the garlic.
Add the beer, scraping to deglaze the pan.
Add the broth, hot sauce, creole seasoning, Worcestershire sauce, molasses, and black pepper. Simmer until the sauce has thickened.
Add desired amount of rice to bowls, spoon the chicken over the rice, sprinkle with parsley.
Notes
Blackstrap molasses is what happens when you boil cane juice three times, removing nearly all the sugar resulting in a black, bitter sludge. Dark, light or unsulphured are all fairly interchangeable and pleasantly sweet. Make sure never to use Blackstrap when a recipe calls for molasses unless it’s specifically called for.
Puff Pastry Churro Curls with Chocolate Stout Dipping Sauce
I’ve been taking stock quite a bit lately, haven’t you? What’s in the pantry (how did I get pickled raisins and why do I still have them?), what’s in my life (so many good people), what I’m grateful for (lots and lots).
This helps, I promise. It helps you make dinner, helps you get out of bed, helps you to stay present. These are all things we need right now. In a previous life, I was a social worker for gang kids in South Central Los Angeles, and I actually have a Masters Degree in Psychology. Which totally helps me cook with beer, obviously.
But I will tell you this, when anxiety starts to creep up on you, the simplest way to keep it at bay is to sit in the moment. "I’m ok, right now, I’m fine". Take a deep breath, focus on what’s in the room around you. For me, cooking and baking help. It helps me to stay focused on the task at hand, and gives me something to look forward to, even if that’s just fake churros.
If you can pay your bills, feed your family, and if that family is healthy, you are really, really fortunate. It’s ok to be a mess right now, that’s normal. Let yourself feel it for a second, then pull yourself back and remember that you’re ok, and you’re doing pretty damn good. Then make yourself some puff pastry churros because you’ve earned it.
Puff Pastry Churro Curls with Chocolate Stout Dipping Sauce
Matcha Beer Pound Cake with Strawberries, Mint Whipped Cream
I know what you’re thinking. "Oh, so THIS is a cake but that chocolate thing you posted last week was bread? What are the rules?!"
There are no rules! Not right now. Not in this pants-optional-all-day-drinking-keep-your-COVID-cooties-away-from-me world we currently live in. Rules do not exist! Ok, that’s not true, but when it comes to what is cake and what is bread, the line has blurred in our favor and it can all be cake, and it can all be bread because we don’t have to social distance from carbs.
I wanted to make a "pantry" recipe but I realized that I like to keep weird things in my pantry like bean curd caramel and dried hops. I do love matcha, which has been hanging around in my kitchen since I made matcha doughnuts last year. If you don’t have any, don’t worry, the internet can help, and since we are ordering everything in these days, what’s a bag of matcha to add to that list? A necessity. And essential.
What are you cooking? Are you baking all the bread all the time? Me too.
Matcha Beer Pound Cake with Strawberries, Mint Whipped Cream
Add the butter and sugar to the bowl of a stand mixer. Beat on high until well creamed. Add the eggs, vanilla and almond extract one at a time, mixing well between additions.
Stop the mixer occasionally to scrape the bottom of the bowl to insure all ingredients are well mixed.
Stir in the beer.
Stop the mixer and sprinkle with flour, matcha, baking powder, and salt. Stir with a wooden spoon or spatula until just combined, don’t over mix.
Pour into an 8.5 x 4.5 loaf pan that has been greased and floured.
Bake until the top has puffed and cake is cooked through 50-65 minutes.
Allow to cool before slicing.
Add the heavy cream, mint, and powdered sugar to the bowl of a stand mixer beat until soft peaks form.
Top the cake slices with whipped cream and strawberries.
Is it just me or are we all hypochondriacs right now? Was that sneeze allergies or a deadly virus? Is the house too hot or do I have a deadly virus? Did I eat something weird or do I have a deadly virus? It’s nonstop.
But on the upside, pajamas all day and making doughnuts for no reason are perfectly acceptable. As is eating them by yourself in the kitchen while taking a Buzzfeed quiz about which Tiger King character you are. It’s Saff, by the way.
We’ve lost all of our manners and basic social skills, but at least we’ve done it together. Once we reemerge we will all be slightly chubby toddlers who have to re-learn how to interact. I’m very excited for the day when I have the ability to lick your face again. Not that I’ll do, but I’m looking forward for the day when it’s no longer seen as a terrorist act.
1large Fuji or Honey Crisp applepeeled, cored and diced
2large eggsroom temperature
3tablespoonolive oil
¼cup(2oz) beerpilsner, pale ale, wheat beer
Vegetable or canola oil(for frying)
For the Glaze:
1 ¼cups(150g) powdered sugar
½teaspoonvanilla
3tablespoonsmaple syrup
1 to 3tablespoonscold water
Instructions
Stir together the flour, baking powder, baking soda, cinnamon, salt, brown sugar, and white sugar.
Add the apples, eggs, oil, and beer, stir until combined.
Heat the oil in a pot over medium-high heat. Clip a deep-fry thermometer on the side, adjust the heat to maintain 350°F.
Drop a spoonful of dough into the hot oil. Cook on both sides until golden brown and cooked through. About 2 minutes per side. Remove with a metal slotted spoon.
Allow to drain and dry on a stack of paper towels.
Stir together the glaze ingredients, thin with water until desired consistency.
