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Jalapeno Corn Waffles With Sriracha Maple Syrup & How To Survive Online Bullies

14.05.2012 47 Comments

Don’t Feed The Trolls: How to Survive Online Bullies

In the age of living online, the greatest gift are the people you meet. The biggest drawback? The people you meet. Once a skeptic of online friendships, I’ve felt the connections made across the globe from one screen to another. A richness lent to my world through knowing people who live in such far off places, we never could have connected, seen our similarities, shared our thoughts and support, had it not been for two lap tops with internet connections. I’ve also seen the dark side of the vail that the computer brings, an entire society of online bullies waiting with snark and nastiness to prey on anyone with a voice. 

The blog comments I’ve seen from online bullies rage wildly from strange with a twist of insanity, to angry and hateful. The following is a list of comments I’ve seen posted to online blogs, to people who get paid little or nothing for the recipes that they post:

"I hope your baby dies. I hate you"

"Ugh, I can’t stand this girl. Will you just shut up already?!"

"This recipe sucks, it’s probably why your husband left you."

"I bet you just adopted that baby so you could get more blog hits."

"This is the most disgusting recipe I’ve ever made in my life. I substituted [lists 3 major substitutions] and it was horrible! Think before you blog, you stupid B—-!"

"It’s no wonder her husband died if she cooks like this! She pretty much killed him herself, is she trying to kill my husband too?"

I know. Horrifying. People fail to realize that another human, possibly a stay at home Mom looking for a connection to the outside world, a widow, an introvert with crippling agoraphobia, or just and average joe, will read that and be incredibly hurt. We all remember the worst comment that was ever posted to our blogs, the sting from a complete stranger who’s hate has invaded our world. I’ve recently seen two celebrities melt down on Twitter, responding to the nasty comments, defending themselves, lashing out, retweeting insults, indulging those Trolls who seek to disperse hate. 

Celebrity, blogger, or just an average mom with a twitter following, here are some rules to help us all cope:

Five Rules to Survive Online Bullies

1. Don’t Feed the Trolls. Don’t respond, engage or even post comments made out of sheer hate and anger. If a comment is just made to hurt, there is no reason to post it and you have no moral or civic obligation to do so. Delete the comment and shake the thought of it from your head. 

2. Find Power In Silence. To stay silent and to be silenced are not the same thing. There is powder in silence, feel it. There is no response to a bully or a nasty comment that makes you look cool or superior, you are only wallowing in the mud by responding. 

3. Feel Pity. Child Actor turned writer, Mara Wilson said on her blog recently:  "Very few intelligent, successful, attractive, confident, happy people spend their time bashing people they have never met. Just be glad you are not that person." A comment a stranger makes about you says a lot more about them then it will ever say about you. 

4. Strangers Will Defend You. More often than not, when I see a nasty comment posted on a blog, I watch others rush to the aid of the blogger. People who don’t know that blogger or the commenter, but who do know right from wrong, and are quick to rush to your defense. 

5. Feel Important. No one throws rocks at Tiny Tim. If you are a blogger or a celebrity, the negative comments you receive will rise in direct proportion to how important people think you are. If they didn’t think of you as successful, they wouldn’t even bother. Negative comments are a direct result of doing something right, try to think of it that way. 

I try to follow these rules on both this blog, as well as my other blog, The Beeroness, which has garnered a much higher level of praise as well as exponentially higher level of nastiness. With the good comes the bad, finding your own inner filter will help you enjoy more of the experience. 

In a completely unrelated note, these Jalapeno Corn Waffles are perfect for brunch, or to serve with Fried Chicken. And you’ll want to drink the Sriracha Maple syrup on it’s own. 

Jalapeno Corn Waffles with Sriracha Maple Syrup

Waffles:

1 cup fine yellow corn meal

1/2 cup flour

1 tsp baking powder

1/2 cup corn kernels 

1 large jalapeno, chopped, stem and seeds removed

1/2 tsp salt

1/4 cup cheddar cheese

1 tbs brown sugar

1/2 cup melted butter

1 cup whole milk

1 tbs canola oil

1 egg

For the Syrup:

1/4 cup real maple syrup

1 tsp sriracha chili sauce

(Makes 4-6)

Preheat your waffle iron. 

In a bowl, combine the corn meal, flour, baking powder, corn, jalapeno, salt, cheese, and brown sugar, mix. In a separate bowl, add the melted butter, milk, oil and the egg, beat until well combined. Make a well in the dry ingredients, add the wet ingredients and mix until just barely combined. Spray waffle iron with cooking spray if recommended, cook in waffle iron according to manufactures specifications. 

Mix the maple syrup and sriracha and serve with the waffles. 


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1 Minute Microwave Cupcake

09.05.2012 33 Comments

Microwave mug cakes first cake into my consciousness about 10 years ago through the pre-facebook existence of the email forward. I found them to be completely smarmy, the culinary equivalent of a Jerry Springer episode. My first though was, "Oh, yeah like I need QUICKER ways to get fatter." Email deleted.

But then I found myself in my new place, without the gas turned on yet, but with a new microwave and the urge to celebrate.

I caved.

I made my little family microwave cupcakes to celebrate the move and the fact that I was finally back in a kitchen. Just remember that if you find yourself with unexpected guests and only about 5 minutes to whip up a dessert, this is a viable option.

The secret to making these Smarmy Mug Cakes in cupcake form, is the baking cups. I love the crap out of these things. I always use them to make cupcakes because they are much cuter than the regular cupcake papers, and they don’t need muffin tins, just place them on a baking sheet and fill to half capacity. These were left over from Taters, Lets Have A Ball party and bought them from Sweet Lulu, but you can also buy plain white ones on Amazon. The trick is to only fill them half way.


Smarmy Mug Cake, Cupcake Edition

1/4 cup dark chocolate chips

2 tbs butter

1 egg

1 tbs oil

1 tbs milk

1/4 cup sugar

pinch of salt

2 tbs cocoa powder (unsweetened)

2 tbs flour

1/8 tsp baking powder

Frosting:

1/2 cup (4oz) cream cheese

1/4 milk

1/3 cup powdered sugar (plus more if you want it sweeter)

2 tbs cocoa powder

(if you don’t like cream cheese frosting, heat 3 tbs milk or cream in the microwave until steamy, then pour over 1/3 cup chocolate chips, stir until melted. Pour the chocolate sauce over the cupcake. It will be messy, but delicious)

(Makes 3)

In a microwave safe bowl, add the chocolate chips and the butter. Microwave for 20 seconds, stir and repeat until melted.

In a separate bowl, add the egg, oil, milk, sugar and salt and beat with a fork until well combined. Add the melted chocolate and stir again. Sprinkle the cocoa powder, flour and baking powder over the egg mixture and stir again with the fork until well combined.

Distribute equally between three baking cups (standard cupcake papers will not work). I also added 4 chocolate chips to the very center of each cupcake to make a bit of a molten center. Microwave on high for 1 to 1.5 minutes. The "cooking" time will depend largely on the power of your microwave. Mine took 1 minute 15 seconds.

You want to let the cupcake cool a bit because right out of the microwave they are screaming hot. While they cool, make the frosting. Add the milk and the cream cheese to a bowl and beat on high until smooth and creamy. Then add the powdered sugar and the cocoa powder and beat until combined. Add the frosting to a zip lock bag and cut about 1/2 inch off the bottom corner. Pipe the frosting into the cupcake. Serve with a fork.

Eat immediately. Right away. I’m serious.

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Mango Wrapped Mozzarella

07.05.2012 22 Comments


I’m back. Sort of. When I say that I’m move into my new place, all that means is that my stuff is physically there. 

In boxes. Lots and lots of boxes. But the gas isn’t on yet, so I can’t cook, and showers have been very cold. 

Like this mango.

So the theme for this week is about food you can cook without a stove.

Which can be tricky. But when you are so sick of take out and pizza and all you want to do is cook a meal for your family and the stove is gas which hasn’t been turned on yet and the new place doesn’t have a microwave and your old place had a built in one that had to stay and you can’t figure out which of the billion boxes holds the cord to the electric griddle, you have to make do.  

So this is what I made for breakfast for my first morning in the new house:

Scrambled eggs in the waffle maker. Totally works. 

Bacon cooked on an electric crepes maker. 

Toast. 

It may have been my most creative use of heating elements, but it wasn’t the most delicious breakfast ever to be made by my hands. 

In keeping with the motto of my life: Figure out what is great about the situation that you are in and enjoy the crap out of it, I decided to give you a tasty treat that requires no cooking. It only has three ingredients and the only tricky part is shaving the mango with the vegetable peeler. But even if you need two of three strips of mango to go around the mozzarella ball, who cares. Its easy and tasty and looks fancy. Don’t sweat it. 

I hope to bring you pictures of my new place soon, right now the mess isn’t nearly charming enough to be photogrpahed. Except Taters room, it’s her perfect little sanctuary in the midst of the chaos, even the pictures are hung and every box has been unpacked. Other than that, the rest can wait. 

Mango Wrapped Mozzarella

1 large mango

12 Bocconcini or Ciliegine sized mozzarella balls

2 tbs balsamic vinegar 

Peel the mango with a vegetable peeler. once the peel has been removed, shave thin slices of the mango with the vegetable peeler until you have enough to cover the mozzarella balls. 

Wrap the mozzarella balls with the mango slices and secure with a toothpick. Drizzle with balsamic vinegar. 

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Chocolate Pretzel Beer Toffee

01.05.2012 23 Comments

The best part about visiting a brewery is the opportunity to sample those special release beers that never make it into bottles. Those brews that are only made in small batches, put into casks that sometimes make it to local pubs or events but will never make it into bottles in your local distributors shelves. Like those songs your favorite band will never record but will occasionally play live if you happen to catch a show on the right night, these are beers that make you feel special for having been granted the experience. In a world where it seems everything is accessible with the right google word search, these near mythical concoctions are only available to those who happen to be in the right place at the right time.

One of my favorites is the Habanero Sculpin from Ballast point. Because of the process they use, the heat is fresh and bright. An uncooked scorch that isn’t shy. Habaneros are an extremely unpredictable ingredient, with heat levels that vary widely from pepper to pepper, making every cask of Habanero Sculpin different from the last. If you ever make it down to San Diego, stop in for a pint and count yourself among the special few.

Since I wasn’t able to get my hands on any Habanero Sculpin, I found myself fixated on this Ballast Point Calico Amber Ale. And the result was a toffee that I couldn’t stop eating. So addictive, and it only takes about 20 minutes to make. I already have plans to make and hand this out as Christmas gifts, if I can wait that long to make it again.

Chocolate Pretzel Amber Ale Toffee

Chocolate Pretzel Beer Toffee

Print Recipe

Ingredients
  

Toffee:

  • 1 Cup Sugar
  • 1 Cup Butter 2 sticks
  • 1/2 Cup Amber Ale

Topping:

  • 2 Cups Pretzels Smashed
  • 2 Cups Dark Chocolate Chips 60% caco content
  • 1/4 Cup Amber Ale or Chocolate Stout

Instructions
 

  • In a large pot over high heat add the sugar, butter and 1/2 cup amber ale, it will triple in volume during the cooking process so make sure to use a large pot. Stir until the mixture starts to boil. Allow to boil untouched until the mixture starts to darken and thicken at about 230 degrees. Stir continuously until it turns a very dark amber and hits 290 degrees. This process will take between 15 and 20 minutes from start to finish. pour onto a baking sheet covered with parchment paper or a Silpat. Allow to cool.
  • Add the chocolate to a large bowl. Heat the beer until hot but not boiling. You can heat it on a pot on the stove or microwave it in a microwave safe bowl. If you use the microwave, know that the beer will foam up once it reaches it's boiling point. Pour the hot beer over the chocolate chips and stir until well combined and melted.
  • Pour the chocolate over the toffee and smooth out in an even layer. Sprinkle the crushed pretzels over the chocolate and chill until the chocolate has set. Cut into pieces.

Notes

If you use a chocolate with less than 60% cocoa content, it will have higher levels of milk solids, because of this it will have a more difficult time hardening once the beer is added. Try to fine 60% and chill it to set.

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Roasted Potato Salad

30.04.2012 16 Comments

I’m in the middle of a move. It’s hard to leave a place, a home, that has become a part of me. Plaster walls and a stone patio that has served as a backdrop to a phase of my life that I’m not ready to close the chapter on. A small house, my first house, that saw Tater grow in my belly, watch as I nervously brought her home for the hospital, rooms that served as the setting of her first steps that she took so early in the first months of her life. A place that helped my husband and I mend in a difficult time in our marriage. A kitchen that has given light and heat to the food in all of my photos. I leave with a heavy heart, but with a hope for the future and what the next chapter has for me, for my family.

So, forgive me if the posts roll out a little slower over next few weeks. And if I’m not as quick to respond to you, to everyone, who talks to me over the network of social media that has given so much breath to my life in the past few years.

This is a simple potato salad. I roasted the vegetables instead of boiling them, roasting gives such beautiful flavor with so little effort.

Roasted Potato Salad

1/2 red onion, chopped

4 cups red potatoes, chopped

1 red bell pepper, chopped

2 tbs olive oil

1 tsp sea salt

6 oz artichoke hearts, chopped

1/2 cup sour cream

1/4 cup blue cheese salad dressing

1/2 tsp smoked paprika

1 tsp deli mustard

1/4 cup green onions, chopped

salt and pepper to taste

Preheat oven to 425.

On a baking sheet, place the red onions, potatoes and pell pepper. Drizzle with olive oil and sprinkle with salt, toss to coat. Roast at 425 for 25-35 minutes or until the potatoes are fork tender, tossing every 10-15 minutes while roasting. Allow to cool.

In a bowl, add the remaining ingredients, along with the roasted vegetables and toss to coat. You can serve this either warm or cold, depending on your preference.

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Chocolate Beer Cream Puffs

27.04.2012 5 Comments

 I want you to start thinking of beer as an extract. A complex amalgamation of flavors that functions in a recipe as an extract. If you were baking a fabulous caramel cake recipe, and the recipe calls for vanilla extract and all you had was mint would you just go ahead and use that? I wouldn’t, but then again a traumatic trip to Morocco has implanted a serious mint aversion in me. Think of beer the same way. If a recipe calls for a stout, an IPA isn’t going to work, you’re implanting an entirely different database of flavors. Stick with a stout or something similar, a porter maybe? If the recipe calls for a pilsner don’t use a porter, but you can always use a similarly flavored blonde ale.

This recipe is the best "first timers" recipe when cooking with beer. It takes about 15 minutes, it can be thrown together at the last minute and its simple. This is what you can go to if you have a beer themed party, easy, elegant and beautiful beer flavors that are subtle enough to be loved even by those "non beer people" in your life. You might even convert a few.

I use Flying Dog Road Dog Porter. With rock and roll good looks, a unbreakable tie to the incomprehensibly talented Hunter Thompson, and profanity right on the label, this is a beer that needs to be acknowledged. Its both full of flavor and easy to drink, this is a beer to seek out.

Chocolate Beer Cream Puffs

1 sheet puff pastry, thawed

1 cup heavy cream

3 tbs unsweetened cocoa powder

1/4 to 1/2 cup powdered sugar

2 tbs porter

1 cup dark chocolate chunks

1/2 cup porter beer

2 tbs heavy cream

preheat oven to 400.

Place the puff pastry on a floured surface and roll in each direction, making it wider and longer. Using a 2.5 inch circle biscuit cutter, cut out 20-25 circles and place on a baking sheet covered with parchment paper.

Bake at 400 until golden brown, about 15 minutes.

In the bowl of a stand mixer, add 1 cup of heavy cream, 3 tbs cocoa powder, 1/4 cup powdered sugar, and 2 tbs porter. Beat on high until soft peaks form. Taste, add addition sugar if desired, beating to combine, put in a piping bag.

Split the puff pastry circles in half to resemble buns and pipe the whipped cream into the center, replacing the top.

In a microwave safe bowl, add 2 tbs heavy cream and 1/2 cup porter. In a separate bowl, add the chocolate chips. Microwave the cream/porter mixture until hot and steamy. Pour over the chocolate and stir until melted. You’ll reach a point where the ganache looks like chunky hot chocolate, it’s fine, just keep stirring until well combined.

Spoon the ganache over the cream puffs.

Drink the rest of the porter and enjoy your handy work.

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Disclaimer: These are not traditional cream puffs, or profiterole as they are called in Greece and Italy, but the name "cream puff" seemed to describe them to the closest approximation of what they actually are. Feel free to re-name them Puff Pastry Whipped Cream Bites if this bastardized version of a traditional dessert bothers you. I don’t mind at all. 



Chipotle Béarnaise

26.04.2012 6 Comments

Check out the interview I did over at Cravings of A Lunatic! Kim reveals my secret, I have ANOTHER blog. 

We had this little talk last week about Chipotle, and how much I adore it. I gave you a list of really great things you can make once you open an entire can. 

And you all give me a bit of a sideways glance and said, "Or, you could just freeze it."

Turns out, you all are much more brilliant than I will ever be. And that lead me to wonder what other things I let go to waste when, had I asked you all, I would have know that I could just freeze it and use it when I need it. So here is a list, you probably can tell that I love lists. Quick, organized, and to the point. LISTS! Here is another one for you:

Things You Didn’t Even Know You Can Freeze

(and by YOU, I really mean ME)

1. Fresh herbs. Seriously, who have even thought? Oh, that’s right, you. Not me, I never would have thought to chop a few chives, make sure the rest was dry, put it in a ziplock bag and then freeze it for later use. Brilliant. 

2. Citrus. Why didn’t I think about this durring my love affair with blood orange season?  You need to break the citrus down, but you can freeze the juice in ice cube trays and then freeze the cubes in zip lock bags. You can also freeze the zest in zip lock bags. I would love to have a bag of juice when I make more of these.
3. Tomato Paste. This will come in handy. I only need about a tbs at a time, and freezing the rest will help me avoid the "do I toss the rest now, or put it in the fridge and then toss it when it inevitably goes bad?" Mental debate that goes on in my head. 
4. Strawberries! I knew that one. or more accuratly: I’ve seen them frozen at the grocery store, and I know how quickly fresh ones go bad so WHY have I never just put those berries on the verge of going bad into freezer bags and store them in the freezer?? I will now. 
5. Rice & Grains. Make one huge batch of rice or quinoa at the beginning of the month and then portion them out into small containers or zip lock bags for use through out the month. Such a time saver. 
So please, if there are any "You Can Freeze That??!" Foods that you want to add to my list, just let me know. 
This sauce went on nearly everything I ate for about 3 days. Including, steamed artichokes, grilled chicken, mexican quinoa salad and tacos. There would have been more had I not run out. 

Chipotle Blender Béarnaise 

2 tbs chopped cilantro

¼ cup chopped shallots

¼ cup champagne vinegar

¼ cup white wine

3 egg yolks

1 stick unsalted butter, melted

1 chipotle pepper in adobo sauce, canned

2 tsp adobo sauce from can

Add the cilantro, shallots, vinegar, and wine to a pan over medium heat. Allow to simmer and reduce until about 2 tbs of liquid remain, about ten minutes. Remove from heat and allow to cool.

In a food processor add the reduction, egg yolks, chipotle and adobo sauce, process until well combined. Melt the butter until very hot and just starting to bubble. Remove the stopper from the top of the food processor lid. Turn on the food processor, allowing to process for a few seconds before beginning to slowly pour the melted butter into the food processor while it is still running. Allow to process until well combined and frothy, about 3 minutes.

Serve over every possible savory substance in your kitchen, chicken, steak, vegetables, shrimp, a spoon. 

Chocolate Strawberry Cream Cheese Tart & Dealing with New Mom Fears

23.04.2012 31 Comments

When you get pregnant, people love to warn you about what will be missing from your new life once the baby comes. "You’ll never sleep again!!" They laugh upon hearing the great news. "Have sex now while you can!" His friends will tell him. "You are going to be so broke, those little suckers are expensive!" as if you just bought a tanking stock against their best financial advice.

What they don’t tell you is that you will worry constantly. About everything. An irrational, gut wrenching fear that is so far beyond the non-mom worries you once had, any other type of fear just seems absurd. Even rational, legitimate non-mom fears seem silly in the face of your completely irrational New Mom fears. Forget that old fear of getting mugged late at night in a parking garage that has always given you the creeps, what about a Zombie attack?! What would I do with the baby if there are Zombies? She’s like a tiny appetizer! Fear of getting cancer? Forget it, what if a Mountain Lion wanders into the house and wants to eat the baby! Again, she’s like a tasty little morsel! What would I do?! I need a plan!

You know how insane you’re being. You know it’s crazy. But you can’t help it. Forget sleep and sex and money, the hardest part of being a new mom is the crazy worry that wraps itself around you like a Boa Constrictor and squeezes the air right out of your lungs (Oh No! Boa constrictors?! What would I do if I’m at the park and one of those things got a hold of the baby?! Do they have those in California? Must. Google. It.)

So, for the sake of my own sanity, and I have to admit that I’m sure I’m WAY crazier than most of you, I’ve devised a few rules to help me cope:

1. Don’t watch the news. Especially local news. No good can come of bored reporters looking to sensationalize a story. Just watch reruns of Friends instead. This also applies to clinking on that story of a dead/missing/maimed toddler on the front page of Yahoo news. Just don’t do it.

2. Use the phrase, "Does it end well?" when those friends and family members, who LOVE to relay to you the most tragic news, start to tell you about a story that they just heard. And if they even hesitate for a moment, yell in their face, "WHY ARE YOU TELLING A NEW MOM A STORY ABOUT A DEAD BABY??"  It’s therapeutic, I promise.

3. Sometimes you have to make a plan. Even though it’s insane and you know that you will never be adrift at sea after your plane crashes in the atlantic with a toddler and a group of hungry cannibals, sometimes it makes you feel better to just make a plan so that your mind can rest.

4. Dumber People than you have raised kids. Sounds harsh, right? It makes me feel better. When I hear stories about crack addicted mothers living on the streets, turning tricks in dirty hotel rooms while the 6 year old and a newborn baby are locked in the closet, most people think, "That’s awful! Those poor kids!" Not me, I think, "Well if she didn’t manage to get her kids killed or eaten by the ravenous undead, I think I have a pretty good shot!" When I feel like I barely have a 50/50 shot of getting my kid out of childhood alive and intact, it makes me feel better to think, "Dumber people than me have done it."

And when all else fails, bake. But watch those Hansel & Gretel nightmares, those will keep you up at night.


Chocolate Strawberry Cream Cheese Tart

Ingredients

Crust:

  • 2 cups of chocolate graham cracker cookies (like Trader Joes Cat Cookies, or Teddy Grahams)
  • 2 tbs brown sugar
  • 3 tbs melted butter

Filling:

  • 16oz cream cheese
  • 2/3 cup sugar
  • 1 egg
  • 1 tsp vanilla extract

Topping:

  • 2/3 cup water
  • 1 tbs corn starch
  • 3 cups fresh strawberries, sliced
  • 1/2 cup sugar

Instructions

  1. Preheat oven to 350.
  2. In a food processor, add the chocolate graham crackers and brown sugar. Process until only crumbs remain. Add the melted butter and pulse until combined and it resembles wet sand. Dump into the bottom of a 9 inch tart pan with a removable bottom (that has been sprayed with cooking spray). Press very well into the bottom of the pan using the flat bottom of a heavy glass, measuring cup or mug.
  3. In the bowl of a stand mixer, beat the cream cheese and the sugar until well combined and creamy, about 3 minutes. scrape the bottom and add the egg, beating until well combined. Scrape the bottom of the bowl and then add the vanilla and beat on high for about 2 minutes. Pour over the crust and smooth out with a spatula.
  4. Bake at 350 for 20 minutes or until the center of the cream cheese doesn’t jiggle when the oven rack is shaken. This is not a "toothpick inserted in the center should come out clean" situation. Remove from oven.
  5. While the tart is cooking, add the remaining ingredients to a pot over medium high heat. Allow to boil until thick and very bubbly for about 10 minutes, stirring frequently. Remove from heat and allow to cool.
  6. Top the tart with the strawberries and chill until set, about 4 hours, before removing from the tart pan.

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Strawberry Oatmeal Cookies & The State Of Food Writing

18.04.2012 35 Comments

Fish Where There Are Fish: The State of Food Writing

Amanda Hesser wrote an article last week for FOOD52 that, in summation, stated that food writing is dead. This drew critiques, criticism, praise, and response articles all over the web. When posted by a mutual friend on Facebook, Babette Pepaj (of TechMUNCH and Bakespace) disagreed, "Fish where there are fish," she stated.

This isn’t the first time I’ve been on the fringes of an idustry in the midst of a tornado like change, all the "Old Schoolers" looking down with dismay as the ripples seems to be coming from a throng of new and unexperienced talent waiting to take a stab in a new and digital format. 

When I moved to Los Angeles in the late 90’s as a teenager, my husband, then boyfriend, joined a year later with a band that had just signed a major record deal. He worked his way around the scene, taking jobs at major recording studios, tour managing bands, production, A&R scouting, drum coaching, all while the music industry was still the giant beast of the 1980’s, the A&R guys holding the keys to the kingdom with that illusive Record Contract dangling from their fingers. It wasn’t long before the beast started to crumble and the curtain was pulled from the Great And Mighty Oz.

It all seemed to start with Napster. A brilliant idea, even if illegal and poorly thought out, that brought the Music Industry Beast to its knees. First, largely ignored. Then a few lawsuits, then a few more, then Metallica chimed in. No one, save for a few smart people over at Apple, stopped to hear the cry from the public of, "This Is What We Want." I asked my husbands boss (he was working for a Recording Company headed by a well known music producer) why they didn’t pick up where Napster left off, "Why don’t you sell the songs on your own website? let people download them?" The response was lots of legal jargon, with a dash of, "artist want to sell records, not singles."  iTunes disagreed and well know how that went.

Years later, sitting in a bar called The Short Stop, chatting with a small-band-trying-to-make-good in Silverlake, California I asked about that illusive record deal. "We don’t need one, " said the guitar player, "I can get my songs onto iTunes, I can book my own shows. I don’t need to give anyone 90% of my money." He was right. They went on to be the biggest band ever to come out of Silverlake, although I now only see them on Guitar Hero or the Grammys, they will always be the guys (and girl) I used to buy beers for and chat about literature & music with.

Fish where there are fish. Although the sad reality is that the music industry is a ghost town to us now, the mighty and wealthy clamoring to get jobs, moving out of town to find work or wallowing on unemployment, we have a few friends who are making money. For the most part, those are people who started businesses to help artist help themselves. À la carte services that help the musicians maintian control, while assisting them in doing things they don’t know how to do for themselves. PR people, managers, booking, pressing of collectable vinyl, merch, all overseen by the artist. Of course the days of multi-million dollar musicians are largely behind us, more people are making a decent, but modest living, fishing where there is fish.

How does this translate to food writing? We’ll see. Will the only people that make money those who assist blogger with tech help, running ads, photography tutorials and book deals? Amanda Hesser may be right about HER food writing world being dead, and those mighty giants have started to crumble, but what will rise up in its place? What will the dawning of the new food world look like? The truth is, people will always write about food. How and where the money will be made is a different issue.

I’m not going to pretend to link this to cookies, so here they are:

Strawberry Oatmeal Cookies For Two

(makes only 6, because the last thing I need is 48 cookies just sitting around my house)

1/4 cup butter

1/2 cup brown sugar

1 egg

1/2 tsp vanilla

3/4 cup oats

2/3 cup flour

1/2 tsp baking powder

1/4 tsp cinnamon

3/4 cup chopped strawberries (feel free to use those un-pretty ones on their last legs)

In the bowl of a stand mixer, cream the butter and the sugar. Add the egg, and beat on high. Scrape the bottom of the bowl and add the vanilla and beat again. Add the oats, flour, baking powder, cinnamon and beat until combined. Stir in the strawberries.

Cover a baking sheet with parchment paper (or spray with cooking spray) and drop large spoonfuls of dough on to the sheet, leaving space between each cookie.

Preheat the oven to 350.

Place the baking sheet in the refrigerator to chill for 20 minutes.

Bake at 350 for 12-15 minutes or until the cookies turn a light golden brown and are cooked through. Slide the parchment paper off the baking sheet onto the counter and allow the cookies to cool. 

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Beer and Brown Sugar Pancakes

17.04.2012 24 Comments

I’m in the process of developing a beer scale for the recipes I write. A scale that lets you know how much beer flavor comes through upon the final result. From the low end being, "Mild Hints of Beer Flavors" to the high end of "Strong Bold Forward Beer Taste."

Some people want to be smacked in the mouth with the flavor of beer, while others want the flavors to fly under the radar, yielding a treat they serve to unwitting non-beer lovers. This pancake recipe falls right in the middle. Beer that is tastable, but mild.

The difficulty with a scale such as this is that the type of beer you use has a direct result on the "beery-ness" of your final product. While the most important aspect of choosing a beer for your recipes is matching flavor profiles between your beer and the recipe, the second aspect is finding the right level to suit your desired level of beer taste.

There are a few tricks you can use to adjust the levels of beer taste to suit your needs. If you want to increase the amount of beer you taste, simply adding more beer may not work due to the fact that you will be increasing the amount of liquid in the recipe by doing so. If the recipe calls for "1 cup of beer" then try putting two cups of beer in a pot on the stove and cooking until it has reduced to 1 cup. This will remove water from the beer and intensify the beer flavors. One thing to keep in mind is that beer is often used as a leavening agent and cooking your beer prior to adding it to a recipe can remove those effects.

If you want to decrease the beer taste, substitute some of the beer for a non-beer liquid such as broth, water or juice, depending on the recipe. Or, if the beer is being used as a leavening agent (as in this pancake recipe) try to substitute with carbonated soda water.

If you want to increase the flavor of beer, look for beers that have a strong "malt forward" or "hop forward" taste notes, but beware of too hoppy beers (Such as IPA’s) because when reduced, they are very bitter.

Cooking and baking with craft beer is a journey, there will be a certain level of experimentation, success and failures that you should expect when trying forage ahead in a field that is growing with huge popularity, but with very few who have gone before us. In a lot of ways, this is uncharted water. We should learn from every batch, making note of what works and what doesn’t. Thanks for joining along the road.

For this recipe, I choose Mission Amber Ale because it has notes of caramel and malt, but with a balanced hop flavor. If you want to make this recipe and can’t find Mission Amber Ale, look for an amber with notes of caramel, maple, brown sugar, cloves, or cinnamon with low or balance hop notes.

Beer and Brown Sugar Pancakes

1 cup all purpose flour

1/3 cup brown sugar

1 tsp cinnamon

1 tsp baking powder

1 egg plus 1 additional yolk

2 tbs canola oil

1/2 tsp vanilla

1 cup Amber Ale Beer

(makes 10-12)

In a bowl add the flour, brown sugar, cinnamon, and baking powder, whisk to combine.

In a small bowl, add the egg, the additional yolk, vanilla and the oil whisk until well combined.

Make a well in the dry ingredients, add the egg mixture and beer to the center and whisk to combine.

Heat a skillet or griddle until hot. Spray with butter flavored cooking spray or brush with melted butter. Pour about 1/4 cup of the batter onto the hot griddle. Once bubbles appear in the middle of the pancakes and the edges start to look dry, flip the pancakes and cook on the other side until cooked through, about 5 minutes total (2.5 minutes per side).

*For this recipe, plain Grade A Syrup just didn’t seem to be enough for me. I put 3/4 cup of syrup and 1/2 cup of the Amber Ale in a pot on the stove over high heat for about 10 minutes and it thickened and reduced to a caramely syrup that was perfect. 

Creme Brulee Bread Pudding

16.04.2012 13 Comments

Creme Brulee and Bread pudding are two things that never occurred to me growing up. Creme Brulee was much to bourgeois for a kid who raised pigs in her back yard and bread pudding sounded like something you ate over Bingo hoping the Polident didn’t give out.  As  real life grown up, I realized that these are both really simple desserts that have a versatility and beautiful creaminess that have earned themselves a place in my kitchen. Bread pudding has been my way to use up the last bit of homemade pastries, cinnamon rolls and raisin bread that I hate to throw out but go stale so quickly. And Creme Brulee is so easy and lovely, lending itself very well to a multitude of flavors, it tends to be a Go-To for me when I’m a loss for what to serve. 

Mixed together, it’s fairly addictive, easy to make and has a homestyle fanciness that’s perfect for so many get togethers. 


Creme Brulee Bread Pudding

3 egg yolks

1/2 cup of sugar

1 1/4 cup of heavy cream

1 tsp vanilla

1/2 tsp slt

1/4 cup granulated sugar for brulee crust topping

3 cups bread, crust removed, cut into 1 inch cubes

Preheat oven to 300. 

In a bowl, combine the yolks and 1/2 cup of sugar and whisk until light and frothy. In a pot, combine the cream, salt and vanilla and heat until steamy but not boiling. Remove from heat and allow to cool for about 10 minutes. While you whisk the eggs, slowly, slowly add the cream, whisking until combined. If there are any lumps or “eggy bits” in your cream mixture (possibly because you didn’t let your cream cool down) strain the custard through a mesh strainer.

Assemble 6 ceramic ramekins, or individual oven safe serving bowls in a baking dish. Add the bread cubes to each dish, pressing down a little bit to compact. 

Pour into the custard over the bread until covered. 

Add hot water to the baking dish until about half filled, the water rising to about half way up the sides of the ramekins. 

Bake at 300 until the custard no longer wobbles when the rack is shaken, about 20-25 minutes (this is not a "tooth pick inserted in the middle should come out clean" situation).

Refridgerate until set, at least 2 hours. Just before serving, top the creme brulee with an even layer of granulated sugar. Pass the flame of a kitchen torch slowly and evenly over the sugar until it’s liquified and a light amber colored. Serve immediately. The sugar crust will start to break down after about an hour.

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Crab Guacamole

13.04.2012 12 Comments

I try to eat a healthy balanced diet. Most days, my daily meal planner looks like this:

Breakfast: 2 slices of high fiber wheat toast with 1 tbs of peanut butter each and coffee. Lots of coffee.

Lunch: Quinoa salad or leftover dinner from the night before.

Dinner: Some arrangement of lean protien (mostly chicken or fish), vegetables, and either rice or quinoa

But sometimes I just want to use the gorgeous avocados that were delivered to my door from a local produce delivery service. I want to mix it up with crab and sour cream and eat it over the sink while Tater plays in the back yard. So that’s what I did.

I added fresh jalapenos, and removing the seeds removes most of the heat so you get the flavor, a little crunch and just a bit of heat.

Crab Guacamole

 3 large ripe avocados

1 tbs chopped shallots

2 tbs chopped fresh jalapeno, stem and seeds removed

1/2 cup full fat sour cream

3 ounces crab meat

2 tbs lemon juice

2 tbs chopped cilantro

1/2 tsp sea salt

1/4 tsp black pepper

1/2 tsp chili powder

cut the avocados in half, remove the pit and scoop the flesh into a large bowl. Add the remaining ingredients and smash it all together until well combined, but some chunks of avocado still remain.

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Yarn Ball Party Favors

11.04.2012 14 Comments

When you have a blog, and you post instructions about how to make or cook something that you have dreamed up, you want all of the mistakes to happen to you. You want to be the one to discover the holes in the theories, the lapses in the instructions or the possible interpretations that will end up in failure.

Lucky for me, and for any who attempt to make these, those failures bestowed themselves upon me during this craft project.

These yarns balls have been popping up in craft books since the 70’s but made a resurgence a few years ago when Martha Stewart posted a rough DIY on how to make these as christmas ornaments.

Craft bloggers began posting these as decorative balls for baskets, ornamental garland and even colorful Easter eggs. (Other tutorials: Happy Hour Projects, Ruffled Blog, Make and Takes, On Shore)

Reading the comments on the post it seem as if half the people who attempted this had glowing success and the other half had epic failures. I fell into the latter half. Which ended up being a good thing because I was forced to seek out the answers to the most common failure:

WHY didn’t the yarn harden??

Most of the bloggers who did respond didn’t seem to know the answer: Too much glue? Wrong type of glue?  Too humid in your part of the Country?

None of those answers really seemed to fit the issues I was having, but I could tell by the next morning with string that was soft and not stiff, that I had to fix the problem or there would be no party favors for Taters "Lets Have A Ball" Party.

I consulted my sister, from whom I stole the idea to put toys inside these decorative balls in the first place. She’s completely brilliant and epically creative Polaroid photographer.

Her advice: "More glue, it won’t have a choice but to harden."

True. I traced the lines of the yarn with my Elmer’s glue bottle, blotted it in with a sponge brush and in three hours, I had Yarn Ball Party Favors ready to go.

Another common factor that I saw in success was glitter. It seems to act as a binder of sorts. Add it to the glue and it helps to hold shape.

Other than the threat of failure looming over my head, I loved the way these turned out.



Materials:

8 ballons, about 6 inch round

Toys, I used squishy balls, temporary tattoos and Lady Bug Bubbles (Small enough to smash into a balloon and large enough not to fall through the yarn holes)

2 bottle of Elmer’s glue

1/4 cup warm water

2 tbs glitter

Step one:

Squish the toys into the balloons. You might want to have extra incase you break some trying to get the toys in. Also, it helps to have an extra set of hands to help. I used my husbands:

Step Two:

Blow up the balloons and securely tie the end.

Step Three:

Mix the glue, water and glitter in a large bowl.

Step Four:

Place a few feet of yarn into the glue and press down, try not to stir or you’ll end up with a tangled yarn mess.

Step five:

Wind the yarn around the balloons, cutting of the end and tucking it into an inconspicuous spot and then place on sheets of wax paper to dry.

Step Six:

Allow to dry completely until the yarn has become very stiff and there is no give to it. Then pop the balloon in the middle.

Step Seven:

Wrestle the toys out of the popped ballon and remove the deflated balloon from the ball.

Tips:

If your yarn never hardens, don’t remove the balloon. Trace the yarn with the glue bottle tip and then pat the glue into the yarn with a sponge brush.

Yarn must be hard and stiff for this craft to work.

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Chocolate Beer Cheesecake With A Pretzel Crust

10.04.2012 55 Comments

Choosing a beer for a recipe isn’t as arbitrary as it may appear. It also isn’t difficult, but it does require thought and planning. Substituting your favorite beer in a recipe isn’t always a good idea, and may result in an end product that is nowhere near the intentions of the recipes author.

Where do you start? The recipe or the beer?

A fair question, and it’s a toss up. Which ever way you begin, the recipe or the beer, make sure to be mindful of the flavors. Dark beers go well with "dark" recipes. If that beer you want to cook with is a stout, look for a recipe that calls for "dark" ingredients: chocolate, beef, bacon, etc. If the beer you love is a Pilsner, look for a recipe with "light" ingredients, lemon, chicken, fish, etc. There is some room to move around with this rule, but finding complimentary flavors is the key to success when cooking with beer.

Be careful with IPA’s. It’s incredibly difficult to cook with high hop beers due to the fact that the hops reduce to a very bitter product. If you are in love with an IPA, or another high hop beer, strong starches and sugar mellow hops a bit. Try a pumpkin muffin, or a sweet potato pie. Or look for recipes where the beer won’t be reduced, like marinades, beermixology cocktails, or dips.

If the recipe is where you want to start, make note of the flavors and try to find a beer that mimics those. If you want to bake a chocolate dessert, for example, look for a beer with chocolate notes, or coffee, or malt. Look at the list of flavor notes that the beer has and try to imagine those in your dish. Most large chain retailers of craft beer (like BevMo or Total Wine) have cards near the beers that explain the flavors in that beer and give you a fairly accurate flavor profile. If you are making a chicken soup, for instance, you might look for a beer with lemon or basil notes, not a beer with coffee and caramel notes.

Now that you have had your crash course in beer recipe development, please, go cook your beer loving hearts out. And don’t forget to share.

For this recipe, I choose Lagunitas Wilco Tango Foxtrot. I had four craft beers, mostly stouts, that were in the running for this recipe, and all would have made great choices. In the end, it came down to a gut feeling. Lagunitas WTF won out, although loosly categories as a "brown? ale" and more hops that I would generally recommend for this recipe, the flavors of chocolate and malt were an incredible fit for this recipe. This is a beer to keep an eye out for, it’s smooth and bold and fantastic. A fabulous drinking and cooking beer.

A chocolate stout makes an excellent choice for this recipe as well. I’ve made it with both and although I love the WTF, a chocolate stout seems to give more consistent results as far as a general beer style.

If you can’t get your grubby little hands on some WTF, a stout with notes of chocolate would make a great substitution.

Chocolate Beer Cheesecake With A Pretzel Crust

Chocolate Beer Cheesecake With A Pretzel Crust

Print Recipe

Ingredients
  

For the Crust:

  • 4 standard sized graham crackers
  • 1 cup pretzel rods
  • 2 tbs brown sugar
  • 3 tbs melted butter unsalted

For the filling:

  • 7 oz dark chocolate 60%
  • 1 cup Chocolate Stout or Laguanitas WTF
  • 3, 8 oz packages of cream cheese softened
  • 1 1/4 cup sugar
  • 3 eggs
  • 2 tbs flour
  • 1/3 cup cocoa powder
  • 1/2 salt
  • 1 tbs espresso powder

For the Sour Cream Topping:

  • 1 cup sour cream
  • 1/4 cup powdered sugar
  • 2 tbs Lagunitas WTF

Instructions
 

  • Place one oven rack in the middle position, with one rack below. Preheat oven to 325.
  • In a food processor add the graham crackers, brown sugar and the pretzels and process until it's the consistency of crumbs. Turn the food processor on, remove the stopper from the lid and slowly add the butter and process until it resembles wet sand.
  • Coat the inside of a 9 inch spring form pan with butter. Pour the crust into the spring form pan. Using the bottom of a heavy, flat bottom glass, press the crust very well into the bottom of the pan until well compacted.
  • In a pot over medium high heat, add the beer and the chocolate, stir until melted and remove from heat. Allow to cool.
  • In the bowl of a stand mixer add the cream cheese and the sugar and mix until smooth. One at a time, add the eggs, scraping the bottom of the bowl between additions. Pour the cooled chocolate into the mixer and beat until well combined. Lift the head of the mixer and sprinkle the flour, cocoa powder, espresso powder and salt over the batter, stir on low speed until just combined.
  • Pour the batter into the pan over the crust.
  • Place the pan in the oven in the middle position. Place a baking dish on the rack below the cheesecake, fill with water.
  • If you have experience with a water bath, feel free to use that technique instead of the water pan below the cheesecake.
  • Bake the cheesecake until the center just slightly jiggles, but doesn't slosh, when you shake the rack, about 60-75 minutes. This isn't a situation where a tooth pick inserted in the middle should come out clean, you just need the center to set and it will continue to set as it cools. Remove from oven.
  • For the sour cream topping: add the ingredients to a bowl and whisk until well combined. Top the cheesecake with the sour cream topping and return to the oven for 8 minutes. Remove cheesecake and chill in the pan until ready to serve, at least 3 hours.

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Jalapeno & Blood Orange Whiskey Cocktail

05.04.2012 36 Comments

I don’t have a name for this drink. I like names. I love this cocktail. So you can see what type of conundrum this has created in my life. I’ve even gone against suit and made this three times since it’s invention two weeks ago. 

If you have a creative, fun name for this cocktail, let me have it. I’ll give you full credit and I will finally be able to refer to this properly when I make it for guest.

Update: This drink now has a name: Hot Blooded

I’ve also learned a few things about drink making with peppers, something I am completely and whole heartedly in love with. Spicy drinks have even lured me away from my one try love of the drink world: Craft Beer. While beer will still hold the number one rank in my drinking life, spicy cocktails have snuck into a close second spot. But there are rules when concocting libations from such unpredictable ingredients. Here are some rules to keep in mind:

1. Most of the heat from pepper are in the seeds. The more seeds you leave in, the hotter it will become. Exponentially.

2. When peppers sit in alcohol it only takes seconds for the heat level to go from hot to way too hot. It happens faster than you would expect.

3. No two peppers are the same and there is no way to predict how hot the ones you have chosen will be. 

4. Alcohol intensifies heat. I learned this when writing an article about How To Pair Food & Wine, high alcohol beverages increase the heat level in food. The same rule applies to making cocktails with peppers. 

5. Sugar mellows heat. Adding more sugar can lower the heat level a bit.

6. Use gloves. For the LOVE. You only have to forget once, and then try to take your contacts out a few hours later to NEVER do that again. If you do forget, the best way to remove the peppers evilness from your fingers is to rub copious amounts of olive oil into your hands for about 5 minutes, and then wash the olive oil off with very warm water and dish soap. 

Hot Blooded:

Jalapeno, Blood Orange & Whiskey

(Named by Seth)

1 cup fresh squeezed blood orange juice

2 tbs Agave

1/2 cup whiskey

1 medium sized jalapeno, chopped, stem removed (about 2 tbs)

In a cocktail shaker, add the blood orange juice, agave and whiskey, stir until combined. Add the jalapenos, replace the shaker cap and shake three times, immediately pour through a strainer into highball glasses filled with ice, straining out the jalapenos. Discard the jalapenos. 

*I made this cocktail three times. The first time I made it with hand squeezed blood oranges, by far the best choice. Knowing that blood orange season is on it’s last legs, I wanted an alternative. I made it with regular orange juice and it just wasn’t as good. I also made it with Tropicana Trop50 Red Orange, while not as good as hand squeezed blood oranges,it was much better than regular orange juice, a fine substitute. And you can buy it in most grocery stores.  

Update: I think we have a name. I had so much suggestions sent to me via email, Facebook, twitter and comments, but the one I can’t get out of my head is: Hot Blooded. Thanks in no small part to Foreigner. I also LOVED the idea of a TrueBlood name, since I am shamelessly addicted to that show, Bon Temp Sunrise?? Maybe not. Thank you to Seth for the new name! I can now get some rest. 

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Amber Ale Beer Hot Sauce

05.04.2012 11 Comments

I have an analog soul, still shooting with a film camera.

I like to read real life paper books.

I write letters with pen and paper.

I like to listen to the scratchy sound of Robert Plants voice spun out of a vinyl record.

I guess I was born too late to enjoy all the good stuff. And little by little my antiquated habits are being digitized. I own a DSLR, an iPod, an iPhone and of course, a MacBook. But I will always shoot with my medium format Yashica, and I will hold out strong with my paper words inside real life pages, and I will always say Thank You with ink and a stamp.

It’s probably my primitive spirit that draws me to beers that have been around a while, staying true to what they have always been. Full Sail Amber Ale has been a pioneer in the Craft Beer world since the 1980’s, earning the distinction of the first craft beer bottled in Oregon. And just as you should all have a fierce respect for film cameras, vinyl records and paper books, you should also put Craft Beer Pioneers among those ranks.

All Hail Full Sail.

Amber Ale Hot Sauce

2 tbs olive oil

5 red jalapenos, stems removed, chopped

2 serrano chillies, stems removed, chopped

5 cloves of garlic, minced

12 oz Amber Ale (Reccomended: Full Sail Amber)

1/2 tsp smoked paprika

1/2 tsp salt

1 tbs rice wine vinegar

1/2 tsp white sugar

In a sauce pan, heat the olive oil over medium-high heat until hot but not smoking. Add the jalapenos and Serrano, cook until soften, stirring frequently, about 5 minutes. Add the garlic and cook for about 30 seconds, add the beer and then the remaining ingredients. Allow to simmer for about 8 minutes, stirring occasionally. Remove from heat and allow to cool. Add the blender or food processor and puree until smooth. Store in an air tight container in the fridge.

Let’s Have A Ball Themed Kids Party & Apple Slice Party Balls

04.04.2012 14 Comments

I am now the mother of a two year old. 

Of course I’ve been warned about the Terrible Two’s and the nightmare that I am now  a party to. 

And no offense to those who have gone before me, but I rather enjoy this age. Every age, every situation and every person is not without drawbacks. There is no such thing as a perfect situation. Quality of life is built on figuring out what is great about the situation that you are in and enjoying the crap out of it. 

So, what is great about 2 year old?

You get to have all the answers. You are able to solve all of their problems. These tiny little humans see you, their moms, as the Fair Princess Goddess of The Universe. You have control over everywhere they go and who they play with. And all of that will end way too soon. As much as I long to have more freedom and independence, sleep past 6:30am, set my schedule on a whim, travel to exotic places and be able to pee in private again, I know without a single tiny doubt that I will miss the hell out of my 2 year old once she is all grown up. 

For Tater’s second birthday, my little tomboy wanted to run around the back yard and play with balls, her favorite thing in the entire world. So that’s what we did. 


I had huge gigantic balloons from Sweet Lulu. 


I made Yarn Ball Party Favors, You can see the DIY here:

Dozens of red and white beach balls covering the lawn, that I bought from Oriental Trading

Tater was in love with this. 



I filled a red baby pool up with a bag of ball pit balls. 

And as I shared with you a few weeks ago, I’m tring to rid my life of food dye. Quite a challenge for someone who is used to spending hours concocting the perfect frosting color for cakes. I let go and accepted the fact that the frosting I made with beet powder was just going to be purple and that was OK. More on that in a later post. 


A least I was able to sneak some antioxidants and vegetables into her cupcakes, at fine compromise in my opinion. 

And the food went largely unphotographed. A pretty shocking thing in my world, given the frequency with which I snap food pictures. 

We did, however, reserect the Tater Tot Bar from last year.

I used white cone cups and made the cone holder out of a cardboard box and wrapping paper. 

I also made the Hanging Paper Lanterns, one of my very first post was how to make them.

And I remade the paper Happy Birthday banner. 

I did get a few shots of my Apple Balls, cored and sliced apples held together with rubber band and bakers twine. I replaced the core with string cheese. This will keep them fresh, un-browned and party ready for hours. 

First, core and slice the apples using an apple slicer. 

Remove the core and replace it with string cheese. Reassemble the apple and secure with a rubber band, then tie a ribbon or bakers twine around the rubberband. This will help your apple slices to stay fresh longer, without turning brown. 

If you can, try to find string cheese that is the same size, or just a bit larger than your apple corer. 

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Chocolate Creme Brulee Tart & Dealing With Kitchen Failures

02.04.2012 31 Comments

It’s hard to be a home cook. Blindly navigating a world that seems to come so effortlessly to others. Comparing our kitchen failures with the extravagant successes we see other producing. Left to wonder why we can’t make a perfect soufflé even when we follow the directions with surgical exactness. 

And those of us who reached adulthood with little more skill than it takes to boil water are thrown into the same world with those girls who learned how to make perfect ears of orecchiette pasta by the twirl of their Italian Grandmothers thumbs. Those of us whose childhood culinary training didn’t extend much past reheating and defrosting. 

So when you sit there, tears in your eyes as your hard work has turned to a delated over-salted mess, I want you to remember a few things:

1. No one will post their failures on their blogs. Or post pictures of them on their Facebook page. When you compare your failures with everyones success, its not fair to you. 

2. Everyone fails. Ask anyone who has ever cooked and they will tell you culinary tails of epic failures. Horrible, inedible food that we will never speak of in the light of day. Sometimes we figure out why we created such a disaster, sometimes it remains a mystery. 

3. Great cooks don’t give up. Sure, they fail. A lot. But they don’t give up. Focus more on your success than your failures and just keep going. 

4. Make a list of the recipes that you want to tackle. Make it as huge and as grandiose as you want, you have your entire life to master them. No matter how often you make them, and what the end result is, vow to learn something from each batch. 

5. Remove emotion.  In order to figure out how it is that you have ended up with such a kitchen failure on your hands, you have to be able to look at it objectivly. It is hard not get emotional when you feel like you failed, but that isn’t going to teach you anything. Did you really follow the steps exactly, or are you just saying that to make yourself feel better? Did you use the ingredients that were listed or did you use a substitute thinking it would be ok? If you can use each recipe as a learning tool, it wasn’t a waste. Sometimes it’s the recipes fault, sometimes it’s the ingredients fault, and yes, sometimes it is your fault. But it’s all part of the learning process. We have all tried to change a recipe thinking it would be fine, and sometimes it isn’t. Now you know. 

The first recipe on my list of recipes to master was Creme Brulee. It sounded so fancy and grown up, I wanted to learn to make something that was elegant and French and I was shocked at how easy it was. You do need a few kitchen tools, but the recipe and the steps are simple. And the result is incredible. For this recipe, I added a chocolate tart crust and a cocoa powder laced brulee topping. 

And a kitchen tip from one of my kitchen failures: Don’t touch the melted sugar before it’s cooled, it will give you the worst mother Eff-ing burn of your life. 

Dark Chocolate Crème Brulee Tart

Tart Crust:

1 cup of all-purpose flour

1/4 cup Unsweetened Cocoa Powder

1/4 cup sugar

1/2 tsp salt

10 tbs of unsalted butter, cut into small cubes

3-5 tbs ice cold water

Custard:

4 egg yolks

1/2 cup of sugar

1 3/4 cup of heavy cream

1 3oz bar of 70% Cacao Bittersweet Chocolate, broken into small pieces

1 tsp espresso powder

1/2 tsp salt

Brulee Sugar Topping:

1/4 cup granulated sugar

1 tsp Unsweetened Cocoa Powder

In a food processor, combine the 1/2 cup flour, sugars, cocoa powder and salt. Pulse to combine. Add the cubes of butter and process until combined, about 1-2 minutes. Add the remaining flour and process again. Your dough should resemble course meal. Move to a large bowl and add 3 tbs of the water, knead to combine (if you add the water to the dough with the food processor, your crust will turn into a cracker). Add the additional water if your dough is too dry.

Form into a disk, wrap completely with plastic wrap and chill for at least 1 hour (you can also make the crust a day ahead and allow to chill overnight).  

Heat your oven to 375.

Once your tart is all chilled, remove from the fridge and roll out to an even thickness, making sure your dough is just large enough to completely cover the interior surface of the tart pan.

Add to a 9-inch tart pan with a removable bottom (that has been sprayed with butter flavored cooking spray), pressing into shape and removing any excess dough. If the dough is too fragile to transfer in one sheet, it is ok to press it into shape in pieces in the pan.  Prick the bottom of the tart with a fork several times.

Place a sheet of parchment paper inside your tart and fill with pie weights. If you don’t have pie weights, you can use dried beans. 

Bake for 20 minutes, reduce the oven temp to 300.

In a bowl, combine the yolks and 1/2 cup of sugar and whisk until light and frothy. In a pot over medium heat, combine the cream, salt, espresso powder and chocolate, stir continuously until chocolate has melted, reducing heat to avoid boiling if necessary. Remove from heat and allow to cool to room temperate for about 15 minutes (if you add the cream/chocolate mixture to your egg mixture when it is hot, you will end up with scrambled eggs. Allow to cool to avoid that).

While whisking the egg mixture, slowly add the cream until completely combined. Strain with a fine mesh strainer.

Place tart pan on a baking sheet and set in the oven, then add the custard to tart shell. Bake at 300 degrees until the edges are set and the middle is still wobbly (it will continue to set as it cools) about 35-40 minutes. Refrigerate for at least 2 hours and keep cold until ready to serve.

In a small bowl, add ¼ cup of sugar and 1 tsp cocoa powder, stir to combine. Add to the top of the tart in an even layer. Run a culinary torch over the top of the sugar, slowly and evenly, until it has all melted and is mostly dark. Due to the addition of the cocoa powder, this brulee topping is more likely to catch fire. Make sure to extinguish any fires instantly. You can also brulee with plain granulated sugar, leaving out the cocoa powder, if it makes you nervous!  Serve immediately. Once the sugar has been bruleed, it will start to liquify after about an hour. 

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